Tag Archives: Steez

Things the Gentlemen Skier Hates: Go Pro Fever

Steez is synonymous with trashy douchebags thinking they’re the best thing to come to skiing since parabolic technology. So it comes as no real surprise then, that the self-absorbed assholes of the skiing world think that their “awesome” tricks look just like Shawn White at the X-Games. What is it about what you do on the mountain that makes it so worth anyone else’s time to watch them on video? Before I can truly even get worked up about the stupidity of your egotistical bullshit, lets watch a couple GoPro scenes that were some of the top YouTube results for “Skiing Vail” and “Ski Park GoPro”.

Holy shit. I sincerely hope you didn’t watch the entirety of those two videos. Of course, I had to with this being a respected journalistic source and all, but I’d honestly rather attach electrodes to my testicles than go through that level of pain and boredom again. At least the guy in the second video was a fairly talented skier, but good lord, even edited, …. NO ONE CARES. It’s not often words escape me, but the stupidity of this is just so far beyond my level of comprehension. Credit goes to GoPro though, they have an ingenious marketing plan: use the GoPro to do insane stuff, use it in your promotional materials, and convince people that’s what their videos will look like. Do a YouTube search for “GoPro” and all of the top results are professionally produced videos.

Definitely not you.

This is not you. I repeat, This. Is. Not. You.

In fact, it rather reminds of the marketing strategy of another company in a slightly different industry.

I bought the jeans, and even turned my camera to black and white, but I didn't quite get the desired result... Hmm...

The only people that should be allowed to create GoPro videos are 1) people that are in the ads, 2) people in legitimate ski movies, 3) people in pornos. I can already hear the arguments forming in my mind. “Just cause you suck at skiing doesn’t mean our videos aren’t rad as hell, man” “Those of us that can ACTUALLY ski make some pretty sick stuff, bro”  Suck my dick. Pushing aside the only argument Steezers have in my quest for the vaccine against the disease, (my apparent lack of skiing ability, which they have derived from my hatred of the clothes they wear. Steezers: You don’t wear a skirt, but I’ve never doubted your ability to take it from behind) let me make this humbling suggestion. There are exactly 5 people in the world that actually think your homemade GoPro videos are cool.

1) The other dude skiing with you

2) Your overly needy girlfriend, hoping that if she likes it, maybe you’ll love her, someday

3) Your mom

4) Your Grandma

5) The one creepy subscriber you have on YouTube thats just hoping you have a “wardrobe malfunction” in one of your videos.

That’s it. Literally no one else gives two shits. Not to mention, in a culture where the clothes you buy determine how good you are on the mountain, you’re just providing the entire world evidence to the fact that you’re a completely mediocre skier. I’m sure your mom thinks you’re awesome though.

Shit Bro, Better Buy Another Tall T

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