Things the Gentlemen Skier Hates: The Bandana

Scenario: You’ve been placed at the top of a mountain. Elevation: 12,840 feet. I’ve given you a pair of skis to get down the mountain as fast as you can. Oh, and its winter, so its going to be cold out. You’ve come fairly prepared, with a jacket, snow pants and hat. Good on you, but you’ve forgotten that beautiful face of yours. No worries, I’ll let you wrap your face in this nice piece of soft fleece that I have, or that cute bandana your sister wore as a top last night, and subsequently left in my room this morning. The question I’m about to ask you says a lot about your character. Which do you choose?

What your answers say about you:

Option A) You take the fleece:

Congratulations on making an intelligent decision. That piece of fleece you’ve wrapped around your face is a neck gator, or neck warmer. It’s sole engineered purpose in life is to keep your pretty face and neck warm. It’s soft and comfortable, exceptionally warm and looks pretty dang classy to top it off. You’re making the gentlemanly, and scholarly choice.

Option B) My beard shall suffice.

Dear Jesus, you are a man. I’m sure the icicles hanging off your face are a testament to that fact. It might not be the smartest move, but no one can fault you for letting that glowing face of yours show. You’re tough as nails, you know it, and we know it. Go forth and conquer my friend.

Option C) Give me dat bandana yo.

The human race fucked up. We’ve made such great advances and technology that the entire balance of life and natural selection is askew. What are you, a 1820’s outlaw? Not only does the bandana look like you’re about to hold up the saloon, it holds no utilitarian value either. That thing wouldn’t keep an ant warm in the winter, let alone your ugly mug. It’s alright, I don’t blame you, I blame whoever invented the technology to keep your sperm cell alive long enough to make it into the gene pool. Although it sure is cool that it has pot leaves all over it, so that definitely makes up for the fact that you look fucking stupid.

Image

 Die.

As a gentleman skier, you pride yourself in looking professional, you may not always have the best sense of style, but what you have looks good, and has a damn purpose. Goggles? It’s sunny. Gloves? It’s cold. The ski bandana is the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to anything that makes sense in this world. But hey, Shawn White wears one on TV, so it must be cool!

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8 thoughts on “Things the Gentlemen Skier Hates: The Bandana

  1. Steezy MOFUGGA 4Life says:

    you aint got no steez cause you gape like a tourie in a fagbag. you aint a gentleman, you a poser. steez is ski cred so you best spect mo a dis type hatin on your jive turkey puss ass site. you can take yo homo status neck gators and hand warmers, def reppin a goggle gap too. us steezy mofuggas rep the bandanas and baggy pants which r da mark o someone who aint scared to shred all up over you tight-legged gapers. so for dem who tryinta put ma people down, i say you best get off the hill and hit up the bunny run or the lodge where u belong. p.s. bandanas block wind you unedjucated puss mouth

  2. Sean Pettit says:

    I like this website, because people who agree with it can now publicly desire to look as bad as they ski. I personally think that anyone who skis well looks good, regardless of what they wear. I guarantee all of the best professional big mountain skiers (the hardest and most bad ass type of skiing there is) love their baggy pants and jackets, as they aspire to look as good as they ski.

    I know you without ever even meeting you. I bet you hate smoking weed, I bet you’re in a fraternity or some shit, and I bet you take it way too seriously. Try to be a bit more transparent my friend. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong.

    • Sean Pettit says:

      I know this because your website shows you think you’re right about everything. It’s OK friend, don’t be too sad, nobody likes to be a “type”

    • TheGentlemanSkier says:

      Your knowledge of 50s women’s dresses is inspiring “Sean”.

      The notion that what you wear determines how good of a skier you are is absurd. Buying baggy pants in a store, and putting your goggles on inside your helmet has nothing to do with how good a skier you are, but is more an indication of how good you are at following the ‘cool’ crowd.

      There is nothing about this site that is not transparent, in fact I’m not even sure if you know what that word means given the context. The website was linked from my facebook page, and my name is listed on the site. You’re the one that is hiding behind the fake guise of a some semi-famous skier.

      While we’re guessing each others habits, let me take a stab as well: You’ve never taken anything seriously in your whole life. You believe that providing home grown weed to your friends is some sort of noble act, instead of the felony that it is. You don’t take responsibility for your actions, and don’t believe in consequences for what others consider misbehavior, and when you are held accountable you blame a corrupt system rather than your own childish behavior. You fancy yourself a ‘big-mountain’ skier, and probably even have one or two boutique ski companies that you prefer over the big name brands, but truth be told, even if you met Sean Pettit, it would be the least significant portion of his day. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong.

  3. Nate says:

    Learn how to write, pot smoking retard

  4. steezeforlife says:

    I hope you know that people where bandanas made out of fleece for skiing and not just a regular bandana.

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