Things the Gentlemen Skier Hates: The Bandana

Scenario: You’ve been placed at the top of a mountain. Elevation: 12,840 feet. I’ve given you a pair of skis to get down the mountain as fast as you can. Oh, and its winter, so its going to be cold out. You’ve come fairly prepared, with a jacket, snow pants and hat. Good on you, but you’ve forgotten that beautiful face of yours. No worries, I’ll let you wrap your face in this nice piece of soft fleece that I have, or that cute bandana your sister wore as a top last night, and subsequently left in my room this morning. The question I’m about to ask you says a lot about your character. Which do you choose?

What your answers say about you:

Option A) You take the fleece:

Congratulations on making an intelligent decision. That piece of fleece you’ve wrapped around your face is a neck gator, or neck warmer. It’s sole engineered purpose in life is to keep your pretty face and neck warm. It’s soft and comfortable, exceptionally warm and looks pretty dang classy to top it off. You’re making the gentlemanly, and scholarly choice.

Option B) My beard shall suffice.

Dear Jesus, you are a man. I’m sure the icicles hanging off your face are a testament to that fact. It might not be the smartest move, but no one can fault you for letting that glowing face of yours show. You’re tough as nails, you know it, and we know it. Go forth and conquer my friend.

Option C) Give me dat bandana yo.

The human race fucked up. We’ve made such great advances and technology that the entire balance of life and natural selection is askew. What are you, a 1820’s outlaw? Not only does the bandana look like you’re about to hold up the saloon, it holds no utilitarian value either. That thing wouldn’t keep an ant warm in the winter, let alone your ugly mug. It’s alright, I don’t blame you, I blame whoever invented the technology to keep your sperm cell alive long enough to make it into the gene pool. Although it sure is cool that it has pot leaves all over it, so that definitely makes up for the fact that you look fucking stupid.

 Die.

As a gentleman skier, you pride yourself in looking professional, you may not always have the best sense of style, but what you have looks good, and has a damn purpose. Goggles? It’s sunny. Gloves? It’s cold. The ski bandana is the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to anything that makes sense in this world. But hey, Shawn White wears one on TV, so it must be cool!

One Skiers Plea

Skiing is a beautiful sport. The majesty of the mountains, the brisk air rushing past your face as you scream down the hill, the unparalleled sensation of rapidly descending down a face of fresh powder. It has always been a gentleman’s sport, with the type of world-class destinations such as Chamonix, Gstaad, Whistler, Vail and Aspen coming to mind, the type of high class culture that accompanies them. This site will attempt to restore the luster to the world of skiing, and have a little fun at the expense of those that defame it along the way.

This is not an attack on any social class, as we believe that skiing should be experienced and shared by everyone. However, much as one does not wear a wife beater to the opera or a tuxedo to a punk rock concert, we believe in attire that maintains respect for the sport and culture of skiing. Tall tees and belt-less baggy pants beware, mercy should not be expected.